My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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