You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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