So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
