you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
