how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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