My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
