Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
