I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
