so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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