Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
