I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
