After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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