Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
