Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
