HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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