How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Four minutes until I can fart!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
