I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
