God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
