I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
