I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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