The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
