Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
