I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i think my cat just said my name.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
