I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
