He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
