Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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