i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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