ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
