I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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