You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
