Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
