farters have to be the big spoon...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
