I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
