I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
