dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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