sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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