Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
