Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
