im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
