Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you would pick up someone in the library
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
