areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My penis needs a shock collar
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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