you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
