his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
