i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So vagazzling was a success
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
