how hairy? two words: wookie tits
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
love makes seman taste better
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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