then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
