Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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