I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
