If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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