Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
