by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
