I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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