maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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