I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
