Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The air taste purple.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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