...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
