did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
