I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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