Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
birth control should be required to get into college
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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