I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
