the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
