At least make sure they are 18
Why
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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