I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize